The Mind Boggles.

Now I know that some of my most loyal readers are aware that I have been working on a major new, epic article which is probably destined to become the greatest piece of work ever written… But this ain’t it.

In fact that nigh-on book length article has now been delayed by a further two days being as my favourite person in the whole wide world – Clayton Spivey – has come for a sleepover with his old grandad.

And since he tends to monopolize the TV, my laptop & my phone, whilst all the while vying for control of my PC (to Google how to do something or other on my laptop), not to mention bending my ear far more than his mother ever did; concentrating on continuing to write such a complicated piece is out of the fucking question.

Therefore, with fuck all else to do but sit and twiddle my thumbs for the night, I thought that I may as well attempt to add some new content on here… Albeit something that requires very little concentration to write obviously.

So, with that in mind I can tell you that I read a fascinating article/interview the other day about the sisters, Abby and Brittany Hensel.

And while I doubt very much that most of you will recognise the names, by the same token I am sure that the vast majority of you will instantly know who I am talking about when I tell you that they are doubtlessly the worlds most famous, living Siamese twins.

Certainly, I knew exactly who ‘Trendy Matter‘ on-line magazine were referring to in their article about the twins (found HERE) being as I had watched a documentary about them a number of years ago – Which, if I remember correctly is the same one as the one found HERE

Nevertheless, at the time that the aforementioned documentary was filmed, the twins were only 16 years old and when I watched it – for one reason or another – I didn’t really pay it that much attention… Which in hindsight I should have done.

However, I read Trendy Matters new up-to-date article with a renewed concentration because Abby and Brittany Hensel truly are remarkable, much-to-be-admired, beautiful, 32 yr old girls; although it left me with a lot more questions than answers… And I say “girls” in the plural because despite sharing a body from the neck down, that is what they are.

PHOTO: Abigail Loraine Hensel and Brittany Lee Hensel (born March 7, 1990)

Now to say that Abby & Brit are unique is an understatement… It truly is, and not just because they are the only living example of Dicephalic Parapagus conjoined twins (two heads, one body) alive in the world today.

Neither is the fact that the twins had only a 1 in 30 million chance of surviving the first 24 hours after being born… But survive they did; not to mention thrive beyond all expectations – thanks in no small part to their devoted parents, Mike & Patty Hensel.

Yet Mum & Dad were in for a baptism of fire since all prenatal scans and tests gave no indication that Patty was expecting anything other than a normal single baby… Indeed, most parents would have been at the very least, devastated and many would have even hoped for that expected 24 hour death statistic to kick in.

PHOTO: The twins were originally born with a 3rd arm which was amputated soon after.

Worse still, many other parents would have simply abandoned the new born twins, but as Mike & Patty say themselves; that was never an option and the girls were loved from the first moment that they set eyes on them’… And rightly so in my book. In fact I know from my own personal experience that some parents reject their babies for an awful lot less.

Course, in 1990, separating the girls would have been impossible and indeed, most likely still would be today. Yet even if it had been, Mike & Patty would not have even considered it because both would have been horribly disfigured & disabled.

In fact that is the case in most instances where Siamese twins have been separated despite being nowhere as near conjoined as Abby & Brit.

Nevertheless, the reason that Abby & Brit are so unique is because despite appearances they are two totally separate people – no fucking pun intended. And by that I mean that both the girls have their own fully functioning brain and indeed, are both highly intelligent.

This of course means that the girls have differing personalities along with different likes & dislikes:

Abby is not scared of heights, and she is an extrovert. On the other hand, Brittany is petrified of heights and prefers to be laid back; however, she has an odd sense of humor. The ladies also have different tastes in just about anything… Source

That fact alone means that the pair will inevitably fall out with each other from time to time.

And of course that must be really hard for them when they do. After all, no one can ever claim that they did not have major arguments with their siblings whilst growing up, yet neither Abby or Brittany can just fuck off to different rooms

PHOTO: Abby (left) is more outgoing, chatty & flamboyant than Brittany (right)… Brittany on the other hand likes to travel whereas Abby is more for staying close to home.

However, before I go any further I should tell you that each girl has their own back bone – along with their own spinal cords – which fuse at the coccyx and as such, means that they both have a neck.

Furthermore, both girls have their own hearts, lungs (albeit the middle two are fused together), stomachs & gallbladders… And that is about it, apart from one other extremely important point. You see both girls only have control of one arm and one leg each – Abby controls the right side and Brittany the left… Which must have been an absolute monumental hurdle for the girls to overcome.

All of which raises some of the many important questions – for me at least because I am a nosey cunt – that go unanswered in the documentary and magazine article… Some of which may sound funny and which I will address in my own, unique flippant, somewhat often frivolous style, yet have got me proper fucking curious.

And I should just say that in doing so I mean no disrespect whatsoever to either of these two wonderful girls, both of whom have my sincere respect & admiration.

PHOTO: The twins anatomy.

Nevertheless, even the many, many eminent specialist doctors who have studied the twins are totally baffled as to exactly how the girl’s body works:

Despite the unity, they respond differently to some things. For example, while Abby can gulp down as many coffee drinks as possible, her sister experiences increased heart rate whenever she tries such. The girls also have different body temperatures. Abby gets hot faster than her sister.

And neither can the Quack’s fathom out why Abby feels the pain if Brittany has an upset stomach while the latter feels fine… And vice versa of course.

So, among the many thoughts running through my head after reading the article; I am fucked if I know what would happen if one of the twins broke their back, thus becoming paralyzed. After all, if for instance Brittany severed her spinal cord – say in a car accident – above where their spines fuse, I would presume that only Brittany would be paralyzed? However, I would also imagine that as a consequence the twins would lose the use of their left leg and maybe even their left arm if the break was high enough.

And with that being the case would Abby fall over sideways to the left with the weight of Brittany, especially with the latter being the shorter of the two: “Abby, at 5 ft 2 in (1.57 m), is taller and longer of leg than Brittany, who is 4 ft 10 in (1.47 m) – Source Wikipedia.

Or would they both be able to still hop around on their right leg since Brittany would still be able to support her upper body from their shared hip upwards – if of course the break was low enough?

Moreover, I presume that Brittany would be rendered incontinent by the accident and as such would have to be fitted with a colostomy bag, whereas Abby shouldn’t be affected by this since both girls have their own stomachs.

And since they have their own stomachs then it follows that both girls would want to take a dump & piss at separate times of the day… Doesn’t it? I am Fucked if I know.

Yet I should imagine that to be the case and as such does the one needing a shit have to wipe their shared arse… A task made even more unpleasant and time consuming for the other if one of them has the galloping gut rot.

After all, you have to remember that these are two totally different people trapped in one body and as such it would be the same (if not worse) as you or me having a pony & trap with a sibling sat on our knee.

Moreover, I would assume that the girls would need to pop to the loo twice as much as a normal person… And you women seem to need to go to the bathroom an awful fucking lot!

Nevertheless, the above facts alone, along with the many others I am going to tell you about makes what they have achieved thus far in life even more remarkable.

I mean, not withstanding the fact that they can hold their own, different conversations with two different people – or even two different groups of people – as well as both being able to simultaneously write on different subjects, along with many more such activities; the fact that they even learned to crawl is nothing short of a miracle.

I mean think about it for a minute; the girls can only feel sensation in their own half of their body. So for instance, if Abby had an itchy gnat bite on her arm, her sister wouldn’t feel the itch and as such, if she scratched it for Abby, the sensation would be no different for Brittany to her scratching someone else’s arm!

In fact it is not unfair to say that Abby & Brit appear to have no limits to what they can achieve:

They cooperatively use their limbs when both hands or both legs are required. By coordinating their efforts, they walk, run, swim, play volleyball and the piano, and ride a bicycle normally. Together, they can type on a computer keyboard and drive a car... Source: Wikipedia

So, how hard must it have been for them to learn how to walk? I mean it is almost akin to two, one legged people (one missing the right leg, the other the left) strapping themselves together and then trying to walk in harmony!

I wonder if they play each other at ‘Twister’?

Yet to watch the pair walking, the only visual sign of difficulty comes from a slight limp which is a consequence of Brittany’s shorter leg and is no worse – if not better – than anyone else with the same handicap.

Moreover, as for playing the piano… Well fuck me, I haven’t got the coordination to tinkle the ivories despite being able to feel both hands! absolutely brilliant.

And when it comes to driving a car – for which they both had to take a written & practical driving test – how mad is that!

Now apparently, when driving a car – which I presume has to be an automatic – Abby takes charge of the accelerator & brake as well as the controls on the right-hand side of the steering column, while Brittany takes care of those on the left. They both control the steering wheel.

Okay, moving on and choosing a career must also have been a nightmare for the twins with their differing personalities. Indeed, when they were young Abby wanted to be a Dentist and Brittany a Pilot… Neither of which would ever have been achievable for obvious reasons.

Nevertheless, whatever their career choice; it was always realistically going to have to be something that they could do together, obviously… After all, if they both pursued a different career of choice then they would only have been able to work part-time, and one of them would have had to be prepared to be bored to death whilst the other twin got on with their job – and vice versa.

Course, to gain a distinct advantage over their colleagues the twins would have been wise to pick a career where two heads were better than one – Doctor, Lawyer, Accountant, Bomb Disposal Expert, Plumber, are just a few that immediately spring to mind.

Yet in the end the sisters opted to become Teachers… Or should that be Teacher?

Again, I am fucked if I know!

But whichever the title might be, having finished University the twins now teach a class of 5th graders in elementary school.

And of course, the fact that they have achieved their goal in an admiral profession once again goes to show just how intelligent the pair are.

Nevertheless, I am not convinced that opting to teach a class of 10 yr olds is the wisest move… I mean, children that age find it hard to hide their emotions and as such I have to ask myself how they are able to learn anything at all in Miss Abby & Miss Brittany’s class.

Neither is it clear whether the twins get a salary each or get paid as just one person. After all, they have their own mouths & stomachs that need feeding as well as having different tastes in clothes & music etc, etc. Then there is the fact that they are both present for the job and as such they should both be paid a wage each.

On the other hand a classroom only needs one teacher making it difficult for the school to justify paying two wages when they only need pay one.

Mind you, I do not get the impression that the twins are motivated by money, especially when you take into account the much more financially lucrative careers that they could have pursued.

In fact, both girls have stated that part of their incentive for becoming Teachers was their shared love of children and indeed both have expressed a desire to one day get married & have baby’s of their own… Which brings me to nicely to the part that you have all been wondering about.

And don’t even try to tell me that you are not curious about their sex life, because I instinctively know that you fucking are… Ya perverts.

Now, quite rightly neither girl is prepared to discuss their love life. Either that or no reporter has ever had the bollocks to press them on the issue.

However, both girls are relatively attractive and like to look their best with nice clothes and makeup. They also keep their body as trim as they possibly can by playing sport and both are chatty and fun to be around.

Therefore there can be very little doubt that the 32 year old twins will be interested in sex and fellas.

And this is where they really run into problems because there is no scenario that I can come up with which will not seem proper perverted to a lot of people.

So let’s start with masturbation. Now, the first time that I discovered this most wonderful of pastimes would have been when I was 12 yrs old. Course, the vast majority of 12 yr olds these days will already know what is involved in having a wank or a strum.

However, back when I was 12 yrs old I had no idea whatsoever what masturbation even was, let alone how to do it – and what the end result would be.

In fact fuck knows how it came about that first time or what possessed me to even start having a rub, never mind carrying on until the explosive end once I had started… Although at 12 yrs old it wasn’t that explosive. But that doesn’t stop me from remembering that first night like it was yesterday.

You see, I thought that I had discovered something totally mind blowing that no other cunt in the world knew about… And I didn’t even do it properly because instead of doing the five-knuckle-shuffle, my method was to rub my dick, quickly between the palm of my hands in the same way that a survivalist would quickly rub a stick back and forth to start a fire… Aren’t you glad we can chat about these things with no embarrassment whatsoever?

Moreover, what with me being so naive at the time, that fire starting method served me well for at least another year minimum – at which point my school mate put me right on where I was going wrong when we got round to discussing the subject.

Nevertheless and as I say; I truly thought that I had discovered something fucking amazing that first time – so much so in fact that I just had to tell my older brother about it, who was in his own bed next to mine.

I had of course been very quiet throughout the activity so as he didn’t hear my sordid little pleasure, but once it was over I was that fucking pleased with myself that it was impossible not to let him in on the secret – especially as I was always trying to get into his good books back then.

You see me & my older brother were never close as kids and were in fact the complete opposites to one another. Certainly he didn’t like me unless it suited him to do so and as such I shouldn’t have been surprised when he wasn’t impressed or even fucking interested.

Course, it never occurred to me that he probably already knew about the pleasures to be had by playing with your willie, what with him being 2 yrs older… And he certainly wouldn’t have told me if he did but at the time I just thought he was being a bit of a cunt.

Nevertheless, the point of me telling you this is because that is the one and only time that I have admitted to having had a wank with my brother in the room (although many secret ones were to follow) – and I have most certainly never had a tug on my todger with any other man in the room… At least not to date.

And as I say, had I not told him about this as of yet unnamed activity, he would have been non the wiser. Course, it would be another 27 years into the future by the time Abby & Brittany reached the age of 12 and by then nearly all children that age had access to the internet and been taught about masturbation in school.

Certainly, there are a lot of 12 year olds experimenting with sex these days and even if they are not they will have certainly giggled about the subject with their friends.

Therefore, I find it impossible to believe that Abby & Brit will have never so much as flicked the bean, even if they were older than I was when I started on my path.

Yet the problem with that is the fact that the twins only have one Jack ‘n’ Danny between them and as such, it would be kinda like me beating off with my brother or another fella watching, although I do believe that women are much more likely to masturbate in the company of other females than men are – well at least they are according to Pornhub … Or so I have been told.

However, Abby & Brit can only feel sensation in their own respective arms and legs and as such, if for instance Abby felt the need to knock one out, it would feel to Brittany like someone else was strumming her… Wouldn’t it? Of course it fucking would.

Worse still, it would be her own sister violating her! Therefore, the mind really boggles when it comes to having an intimate relationship with a man… And as I said earlier, despite the twins never owning up to having had sex, both of them have expressed a desire to one day get married and have babies.

Yet how the fuck is that going to work? I mean, do they just chose one fella to be their man – which of course would be the easiest solution. But which twin would be the one to marry him?

Moreover, the girls would need to find a fella who would fall in love with them both, but that is also easier said than done because the twins have different personalities. Therefore, there will inevitably be times when the fella falls out with one or other of the girls so what happens then?

After all, he may be totally in love with one of the twins whilst not being able to stand the other. And by the same token the twins would need to share the exact same taste in men. Yet as we have heard, they both have very differing tastes in clothes and such like so why should it be any different when it comes to picking a man?

Indeed, the photo that I published earlier with the twins and two fellas is only ever shown in articles and film footage where the question of the girls dating pops up. And in that photo there are two fellas who are very different in looks, with one appearing to be tall and bald while the other looks like he is a member of a boy band.

So, if Abby & Brit had their own fellas, how would sex work? That is to say that suppose in the heat of the moment, Brittany’s husbands hand strayed over onto Abby’s tit – it would be nothing short of sexual assault since I would imagine that the girls knockers are the same as their arms & legs sensation wise… Or put another way, if someone was fondling Abby’s boob, Brittany wouldn’t feel it.

And of course, it is safe to assume that both girls feel the same sensation in their shared vagina. Therefore, if say for instance Brittany’s husband was doing great work slinging his shlong up her, it would be no different to him also fucking Abby… Albeit the latter would lose out on the titty twisting.

Moreover, what if Abby’s husband wanted a blow job? I mean, Brittany could look away I suppose but there is no getting away from the close proximity of his knob to her head… And of course, if he wanted to shoot his load over his wife’s face, Brittany would be in great danger of getting hit on the cheek by a spunk-bubble offshoot.

As for having a baby? Well that is a fucking minefield what with the twins only having one set of reproduction organs. Therefore, no matter which husband becomes the father, Abby & Brit would still both be the child’s biological mother. That in turn then gets even more fucking complicated should each husband want their own child.

I mean, one of them would have to abstain from sex whilst the other set about the task of getting his wife pregnant and then after conception the uncle-to-be would have to wait at least another 11 months before he could even begin to further his own bloodline.

And of course, there is the jealousy factor since both husbands would effectively become cuckolds… Worse still, what if one of the fellas was a two squirt Bert whilst the other one was a non-stop love machine, leaving the twins mad-hot for the latter whilst yawning & rolling their eyes every time the 10 second wonder fancied a bunk up?

It really, really, really could happen. Certainly, both fellas would need to have a very strong friendship with each other. And what would happen if either Brittany or Abby wanted a divorce?

Course, finding even one suitable fella will be hard enough, let alone two… That is to say that I would envisage both Abby & Brit having their hearts broken many times before finding the right “one” or “ones”.

After all, the vast majority of those who put themselves forward will inevitably turn out to be smooth talking perverts only interested in seeing what it would be like to have sex with them. Either that or outwardly charming sick-fuck slime-balls with deep rooted fetishes.

And as I say, regardless of whether the twins do manage to achieve their goals regardless of whether their domestic bliss comprises of two couples or a menage a trois, many people will still look at them in disgust whilst branding them freaks of nature… All of which to me is very sad because everyone deserves to find love and experience the joy of sex.

So do I feel sorry for them?

Not at all, although the stares would fuck me right off and is something that gets on the twins nerves too. But the truth is, at least as far as I can see – which is pretty fucking far to be fair – Abby & Brittany are a million miles from being freaks of nature. They are however the product of a freak in nature which left them having to face seemingly insurmountable hurdles to overcome… All of which they faced head on to come out as winners.

Fair play to them.

(UPDATE… Make that a further 4 days delay since this article took a lot longer than it was meant to… My original plan was to just write an introduction and then copy & paste the TM article; but I got carried away – soz).